Jokes Collection

1.
Ek log khan ke waqt uski plate ki sab dike mayel fel raha hay,yeh dekh kar
Ek budha ask kara: kea kar raha ho?
Admi: yeh modern khana hay.
Dudha admi: tum keya modern ho! Mere balad goruta aur vi modern hay….
2..
Two storied building me do log bat kar raha tha
1st person: o-o vai yeh address kis tarah? us admi chup raha. o-o vai kuch to bolo? Bolna hay to bolo,na bolo to bolo mere gorvi nahi janta.
Dur se ye sun kar ek log bola tum uski prasno ki ans nahi dia kiu?
2nd person: ha..ha. mein ans dia aur woh mere sath jhagarte rahe.

3.
Alu ke kheto mein
Kishan: aage iss mitti par alu hota tha
Aadmi: aage uski mitti chul ki tarah tha aur ab iha ghas hota hay.
Kishan: iss lie aage kechi lagta tha ab kodal lag raha hai.
4.
Maa beti se kaha
Maa: tumhara future plan keya hai?
Beti: meine maa banugi,study karungi,boyfrnd ko help karungi..
Maa: jo vi karna jara serial maintain karke karna beti.

5.
Maa beti se kaha: beti bada ho kar tum keya hona hona chahta ho?
Beti: meine ek assi maa banna chahta hu..

6.
School ki exam mein result hone ke bad
Sabne khoj raha hai first,second,3rd kaun hua hai..
Ek student: 1st.2nd nahi bolna parunga magar jo 3rd hua woh guddi ur raha hai.

7.
Army ti training camp par
Medical test ki samay ek army ek ladke ko kaha uski pich tarah ja kar
Keya tum cigarette pite ho?
Sir keya mere piche se dhoa ber hota hai?

8.
Ek bahut bada rich admi ek sava par gaya aur uha ek mantra aya relief dene ke lie
Rich admi: sir,garib se jara dekho, mein khub garib hu, mujhko kuch do…

9.
Bolo bir bolo unnata momo shir
Shir ne tehari die banaya khai khir.

10.
Ek janashova mein ek neta bol rahi hai
Bolo jati ki neta kaun hai?
Ek admi: joy.

11.
Slogan do: ek hali joy,
sade tin hali jot.

12.
Moti ladki bade mein du ladka bat kar rahi hai
1st ladka:Uski weight key hoga?
2nd ladka: uski ek pas ki weight jodi 24 kg, to uski dono ki weight 48 kg, plus karo skeletan ki weight.

13.
Ek bahut kanjoos lok ek baccha ko chocolate anne ki patha hai
Bacha de aya..
Dokandar: tumko to ekdin vi woh kuch nahi dia, tum yuihi de aya?
Bacha: ji na mein chat ke de aya.

14.
Kanjoos pappu vegetarian hay aur ek din sakh kar fish le aya woh vi pocha,
Ek admi: tum fish le aya?
Ha meine nilam ki fish le aya.
15.
Tin log alap kar rahi hai ek interview mein kuch der ki bad sabko dak de gaya aur e bola gaya ki sob log ek ek jinis nijer pacha mein dhuka denge.
1st person: ek boroi ki bichi bohut kast karke dhuka dia, aur pass
2nd person: woh vi ek mango bahut kast karke dhuka dia, wovi pass,
Ab 2nd person has raha hai, wo dekh kar 1st person bola kiu has raha ho?
2nd person: dekho 3rd person kathal le a raha hay!!!
16.
Circus me mama aur vagne gaya aur ek bahut mota lady ko dekha niche betha hai
Us samay hati khela ho raha hai
Vagne:mama hai konsi hai upar ki niche jo batha ho wo?
17.
Hasar ki maydan par Allah bichar de raha hai
Jiski vagya mein jo fruit parega usne wo saal narak pe rahega
Barak Obama:ek mango paya,wo to khus.
Bill Clinton: ek jambura paya,wo vi khus.
Ab Barak Obama has raha hai tab Bill Clinton bola kiu has raha ho?
Dekho George Bush kathal le a raha hai!!!
18.
Doctor ne ek admi ki wife ko dekh raha tha
Us samay uski land khara hua aur wo us lady ko rape kia
Addmi:doctor key dekha?
Doctor: mar(rog) dia
Addmi: doctor mere wife ko mara ab mere bari hai!!!
19.
Ladka: ladki se lip kiss kar raha tha
Ladki: keya tum subha mukh nahi dhoya?
20.
Do pandit jhagra kar rahi hai, kaun bada ye lie
Ek admi ko dak kar bola kaun bada?
Pandit:bolo kaun bada?
Admi:mein nahi janta.
Pandit:kiun?
Admi:mein balu wo bada or ap mujhe marne lagoge yeh nahi hoga.
21.
Energy drink ke ads dene wale arab mein subidha nahi kar paya kiun ki arab ki logo ne
Dan dik se padna suru karta hai.
22.
Ek bhikhari ko ye suggestion de gaya ki tum masjid ke samne nahi tum Ek namkara
Hotel ki bahar viksha karo. Bhikhari bola
“He Allah rehta ho ek jaga aur tum address dia onno jaga ka?”
23.
Ek ladka ko samne se panjabi chera aur pich taraf pant chera
Yeh dekh kar ek log pucha, jao darji ke pas selai karo…
Ladka:meine new fashion le aya.
24.
Ek ladka ko kuch log nangto kia aur uski land ke picture akaye aur bola jao
Uha ek ladki betha hai uski kach se attested karke le ao.
Ladka gaya:pls attested ki dijie.
Ladki: maine original copy ke bina attested nahi karungi.
25.
Tubewell chap dile jal parta hai,
chockh tiple keya parta hai?
-chapa ki dant.
26.
Tin frnd ek hotel me khana khaya aur bil dene ki bad manager tin jonke bill hua 30 Rs. Aur us Se 5 Rs. Return dia.
Tin jan 3 Rs. Vag kar lia aur waiter ko 2 Rs. Dia
Tin logo ki kharach-27 Rs
Waiter -2 “
Total =29 Rs.
Aur ek Rupee kah gaya?

27.
Awami leageki protik Boat.
Titanic jaha dub gaya uha vi boat tha tao abar baitha nahi tha, ab samjhie keya risk
Hai!!
28.
Bap:ek tasbir to bar dekhle smritishakti bridhi hota hai
Beta: Papa meine is lie ek ticket par do cinema dekhta hu…
29.
Tum jis jis acharan par kast pata ho, tum us tarah acharan kisiko sath nahi karna.
30.
Chote:vaia kitne fish dhora apne pukur se?
Bada: ja maa se bol r ek dhorunga to 1 hoga.
31.
Ek zoo me ek Bandar se kela khana dia tha magar wo uski puch par map kar tab khata
Hai,coz ek pazi chokra ek dandi dia tha aur wo operation karke ber karna pada.
32.
Ek lady ne Bandar ko badam khane dia magar wo usko dhoya tab khaya,coz ek chokra
Usko cigarette khane dia tha.
33.
Advertise: Rajshahi University ke student opustime vuta hai.
Tokai: R.U student ko dekh kar bola, kibe tum? Tum abar jama kapar kaha paya?
R.U. student: khabardar,I’m not a tokai, mein R.U. ke student hu.
34.
Ek log sahar ja kar 20 tola building ki tola gunte raha,tab ek patpar a kar ask, kia gunte
Ho?
Yha gunne ke lie Rs. Dena parta hai tum jante ho? To kitne guna hai?
Aadmi: upar se 5 tola.
Patpar: to 5*5=25 Rs. Dao.
Wo batpar Rupee le kar chala gaya.
Aadmi: ja sala sahar ki log ko dhoka dia, maine to 15 tola tak guna tha.
35.
Do boka log ek masjid rod se bachane ke lie chaya par thelta raha. Majh par usko kapar ko jhola rakh kar gum dia. Gum se uth kar dekha uski jhola nahi tha.
Us samay ek boka bola,are jama kaha pad raha hay hum to masjid ko thelkar kaha le aya.

36.
Train me ek log English paper le kar khub mood pe hai.
Tab ek chapabaj chotobela ki The Cow essay mukhosto bolta raha, sab log uske tarab dekh rah tha.
37.
Ek log paper ulta kar ke dhora aur dekha, sab rickshaw ulta hai.
Tab wo bola desh mein accident ki pariman bad gaya.
38.
Hijra ke lie is desh mein sab free, tab sob log ei subidha pana chahta hai. Toh sarkar
Ek prosna rakha jo vi is sawal ki jawab dena parega wo hijra.
Question:Muli ki tarah dekhna lal sabji ta kya?
39.
Meri koi vai,behan nahi hai. To mere bap ki beta kaun hai?
Bush,kandolitsa rise,tonny blair.
40.
Budha aur budhi dono bagal ke flat mein rehte hai.
Ekdin budha budhi se offer kia. Magar dono sab kuch vul jata hai.
Budha ek din budhi ko phone kara ye jan ne ke lie uski ans ha or na.
Budhi: ha bola magar kisko ha bola wo usne vul gaya!!!
41.
Ladka ek ladki se offer kart waqt
Ladka: I love you.
Ladki: kayse ab soch lia class four ki ek ladki khali hai.
42.
Ek kutta ko dekh kar aur ek kutta bola tumko us barime itne asse khana deti hai aur
Tum chale aye.
Tab dusri kutta ans dia “ek bon pe do sher nahi reh sakta”
43.
Rohan ki parents ne usko ek boding pe rakh kar uski guard ko bola jara dekh ke rakhna
Vai?
Tension nehi lene ka, meine 10 saal chirikhana me kam kia is Bandar ko kayse tight dena
Hai mujhko ye ati hai.
44.
Ek admi saadi ke bad, vaia aur saadi karo na..
Ek bibi ke jalwa me nahi bachna patahu aur saadi!!!
45.
Police:tumara nam kaya hai?
Chor:joly
Police:thik se bolo?
Chor:joly:
Police: mere maa ki nam vi Joly hai iss lie meine tumko chodta hu.
46.
Vul number dial karne se:
Ladka:I love you janu.
Ladki ki maa:oh, really.
Ladka: aaj rat a jao na,pls.
Us samay line kat gaya.
Ladki phone kia aur bola hi janu kayse ho?
Ladka: meine jo bat kia to kissee?

47.
Ladki: Rickshwala se vaia apke jai Bangla dekha jata hai.
Rickshawala:samne sonar bangle vi dekha jata hai.
48.
Ek budha lok ek shopping mall par lift ke samne khara raha aur dekhte raha
Us samay ek budhi lady utha,aur kuch der bad ek sundari ladki nich nam aya.
Ye dekh kar budha uski beta se kaha beta jaldi ja tere maa ko le a.
49.
Do ladki alap kar rahi hai. Ek ne bola-“acca ladko ne jab eksath hota hay tab wo keya
Alochona karti hai?”
Dusro ne bola- keya phir humlok jo alochona kar raha hay wohi!
Tab pehle jan bola-“Chi!! Chi!! Ladko log ki kharap!!!.
50.
Note chapne ke lie ek machine pa kar police ne ek log ko arrest kia.
Judge ne usko bola:tumto oporadh kia,oporadhi ho.
Wo bola: ap ki pas vi to rape karne ke machine hay to ap vi to oporadhi hay.
51.
Election ke lie protik gamsa,chati bol kar har ek ko deta hai. Magar ek ki protik hay
Hati.
52.
Boobs par kiss karle payas,
Lips par kiss karle to kancha marich,
Aur kam karne chaha hay ro bole salad,salad…
53.
Jermany ki prime minister ban theke hege elen
Jermany ki capital ban
Holandk ki capital heg.
54.
Ladka: meine itni mana karne ki bad vi tum cigerett piti ho?Tum janti nahi hai cigarette
Meri dusman hay.
Ladki:janta hu, iss liey dushman ko pura kar rag kar deti hu.
55.
Pappu: keya maal hay!!
Rohit:maal ki “l” bad dena nahi jata!
Pappu:maine bad dia magar baba nahi paregi.
56.
Do ladki aur ek ladka alap kar rahi hai.
1st ladki:Is desh ki economics jhul rahi hai,
2nd ladki:” “ “ “ do vag mein vag ho gaya,
Ladka: “ “ “ “ ko shakt hat mein dharna parega
57.
India ki admi jo chola khata hay, American ko ghora us chola khata hai.
Ek Indian bola iss lie iss lie American aadmi se ghora besi chalak hota hay.
58.
Beta: abbu mere ko chocolate khana hai
Kanjoos bap: tu kaun hai?
Admi: ye tumhara bap hai?
Beta: ha.
Admi: yeh tumhara bap hai, ye tumko kisne kaha?
59.
Ek gadha arek gadh ko bola,keyare teri malik to tuse itni kam khana deta hai aur tab
Vi tu usko chod kar nahi jata hai kiu.
Dusri gadha: Chod kar nahi jata hu kiunki malik ne uski wife ko bola r ekbar tarkari mein
Namak kam degi to tujhe us gadhe ke sath saadi kara degi.
60.
Ek lok ek popular School pe ja kar uski headmaster ko bola salar sir keysa ho?
Sir to khep gaya: Ap mujhe is tarah bola kiun?
meri sala is school me padti hai aur ap uski sir hay toh ap meri sala ki sir nahi hai?

61.
Ladki: yeh bra meri size mein nahi hoga.
Dokandar: hoga, jara padke aye.
Ladki: padke aya, ap hua.
62.
Tu nahi janta hai mein chotobela me helicopter se pada gaya tha
Friend: tu kiu mada nahi hai?
Us samay ki baat mujhe khayal nahi hai.
63.
Pandit: ap 100 yrs bachegi.
Vakto: Jadi nahi bacha?
Panditji: then tum mere gal par thas thas karke do chor de kar jana.
64.
Maa: keya bat hay tum kiun shoes nahi padte ho?
Beta: ek hapta ke bad padunga.
Maa: kiun?
Beta: kiun tum suna nahi first hapta me ektu batha lagega.
67.
Vagne: mama itni biman rang keyse karti hay?
Mama: Biman jab akash me udti hay tab chota ho jata hai tab rang karti hai.
68.
Char bandhobi ek sath ek train par betha raha hai. Ticket checker aya.1st jon puri dress
Para tha uski 500 Rs. Fine kia. 2nd jon short kamij pada raha tha uski 250 and tisri only
Bra & panti pada uski 50 fine kiya. Magar 4th jonki koi jarimana nahi kia. Bolo to kiun?
Kiun ki uske pas ticket tha.
69.
Ek log train par betha kar hasti rahe e soch kar ke 10pm ki train just 10pm par chod rahi
Hai. Pas se ek log kaha vai e kalki train hai.
70.
America me ek chor dharne ki liey machine invent kia. Oh examine karne ke lie America
Me choda gaya oh 1hrs ke andar chor dhora,Pakistan Par choda gaya, oh 20 min par ek chod dhora. R jab India pe choda gaya tab 5 min ke andar chor dhora.
71.
1st friend: dost mere man karti hai ke oh ladki kan me kam sunti hay.
2nd friend: keyse bujha?
1st friend: meine uski bola I love you aur oh bola meri juti jora new hai.
72.
Ek ladka ek ladki se is tada offer kadti hai
Ladka: I love u I like u I love u very much meri jaan.
Ladki: baatki andar ektu space dena jara.
73.
Habibko many times prokriti dak dia magar oh nahi uthna parti coz his friend
Jab saha nahi jata tab bola: dost prokriti kitni bar Miss call de rahi hai meine Call back
Karke ata hu.
74.
Pichle time e slogan tha” shikshai jati ki merudanda”
Yeh ajki slogan hoga”shikshai jati ki haddi”.
75.
Tumhare pas sabuj kali ki kalam hoga?
Kiu
Na mane tumhari jama ki color sabuj is lie jaha jaha sabuj rang hai tumari jama par meine
Sabuj kar deta.
76.
Jitni bar meine rone ki chesta karti hu itni bar mere aankho ko bristi ki pani dho deti hai.
77.
Ladki der se an ke bad ladka bola
Ajki bikal jara der se suru hua.”

78.
Akashki megh kar dekh kar koi vi rone laga hoga is lie meine kabhi us tarah dekha nahi.
79.
Maine tumko koi kasta dia hai to meine maph chahta hu kiun ki mere apne koi kosto paye
Oh meine nahi chahungi.
80.
Bap: us ladki keya hai?
Beta: kaun?
Bap: jo chand ki tarah dekh kar kisiko khoj raha hai.
81.
Ek admi ne bola “ Six month ke bad bibi puritan ho jati hai”
2nd person: vai thik kaha.

82.
Ek research ne bola 5 meanings of sms..
1. share karo meri sorrow
2. save karo meri soul
3. so much sexy
4. suck me dhirece
5. share karo meri sex
which one tum chahte ho…
83.
“Birth” se jiban suru hota hai,
“Beauti” hai dunia ke jiban,
“Love” hai jiban ki part,
“Death” hai end of jiban,
“Friendship” hai heart ki jiban.
84.
Garu ka lez uthane par gobor parti hai,
Gobor ho toh tumari baat yaad ati hai,
Jotodin gabar rahega utni din tumhari baat
Maine nahi bhulunga.
85.
Suvessa rasi rasi, Goru aur khasi?,Tikka aur Jhal fry?, N-tv aur Channel-I?,Panjabi aur shirt? Happy Eid Mubarak.
86.
Din akela hai sunlight ke bina,
Raat akela hai chand ki light ke bina,
Sagar akela hai pani ke bina,
Phool akela hai smell ke bina,
Admi akela hai friend ke bina,
Really I miss u.
89.
Ek pathar kafi hai glass torne ke lie,
Ek baat kafi hai ek dil torne ke lie,
Ek smill kafi hai love me parni ke lie,
And ek friend kafi hai tere lyee mere life mein.
90.
Meine kal sadi karne ja raha hu,meri parents & relatives yeh nahi janta hai, kuch logo ki invite kia aur tum ek ho. Plz kuch nahi lekar aana just mere lie eek bahu le aao jo mujhko saad karegi.
91.
Tumhari mann ko khul do,
Receive karne ke liee meri wish,
Khul do tumhari dilko,
Tumhari aankh khulo,
Meri smile receive karne ke liee,
Tumhari mobile on karo,
Meri special sms pane ke liee.

92.
Bomb aur condom se keya difference hai?
If bomb blasts to janta kam ho jati hai,
Aur condom blast ho gaya to population bar jati hai.
93.
Aakash tumkko Nileema dega, chand tumko Purnima dega, Nadi tumko Jhorna dega magar mein tumko real payar dunga.
94.
Keya tum ye jante ho Tendulkar saadi kia ek senior women se & Kumble saadi kia ek divorced women? Bcoz Batsman like loose ball & spinner like used ball.
95.
Klanti ki sab obosad vul jaunga, chu dega dunia ke “Odrissho haat” Aj-unmochito hoga prapti ki morak. Happy new year.
96.
Meri sokal,bikal,dupeher sab tumko dia magar tumhari raat jaaga prohar gulo meri kar lia, Chu kar dekho bondhu raha tha bondhu jab raha karti thi.
97.
Friend us tarah ki relation hai haat aur aankh ke bich par,haat pairs jab aankh roti hay & jab aankh roti hai tab haat wide ho jati hai tears.
98.
Tum keyse ek ladki ko math sikhaoge?
Jog karo bed, biog karo uski kapre, devide karo uske paa ko, prabesh karo tumhare sab root & ab dekho tumhare solution…
99.
Tum sixty james bond ki saman ho,
How?
007*60=420.

100.
Dhumpan(smoke) karo sobne plz…
S=send, M= Me, O-One,K-Kool SMS,E-Everybody.
So plz jara dardse feel karna mere tarah smoke karna.
101.
Mujhe call karo urgently:
Ek kharap news tumhare liee hai,
Keyea tum shock paya? Meine just joke kar raha tha- ye sms sabko patha do & dekhna wo log keyse bewkuf hota hai.

102.
Suru karna possible at any time, payar possible hai kuch samay,
Saadi possible hay one time, magar a sweet friend tumhare tarah possible only once in sare jibon me.

103.
Dear subscriber “apki magipara ki bill baki hai,jara refill karke dobara aane ke lyee sujag lijyee”.

104.
Ek upay hai 3000 Rs. Pane ke
To know niche dekho
Niche
Aur niche
R ektu niche
Chi,chi tum itni niche gir sakte ho?
105.
Kuch log kabhi nahi rote hai, kuch panchi kabhi nahi urte hai, kuch atma kabhi nahi marte hai & kuch yaade kabhi marne nahi dete.
106.
Beta:papa mujhe Bandar dekhna hai
Papa: nahi beta, abhi bandor sms par raha hai.
107.
Friend woh hota hai
(F) inds tumko ek (R)ush of people,(I)inspires kare tumko kuch karne ki liee jiban mein catch karne (E)motions & (N)ever chodti hai tumko till(D)eath.
108.
Humko 1st dekha karne ke din yaad ata hai? Mein train ki janala khula aur tum meri pas daray,meri tarab haat barake bola tha bhaia do paisa de do…
109.
Bondhu mane udar akash-meghla roder ghor. Bondhu mane snigdho alloy sisir veja vor. Bondhu mane bijoy khusi,ektu oviman moner majhe kothay jeno ektu khani tan.
110.
Ladki: wo abhi vi phone karti hai
Guru: ap uski phone dharti hai?
Ladki: nahi.
Guru: thik ki, wo apki saath jo kia uski saaja ye hai.
111.
Ladki: wo abhi vi phone karti hai
Guru: ap uski phone dharti hai?
Ladki: keya karti maine uski phone ane ki bad sab bhul jata hu.
Guru: tab tum thik kia. Payar to iske kehte hai,dilki aarman sunna parega.
112.
Ladka: wo sab samay uski cousin ke saath miste hai.
Guru: aap uske doubt karte hai?
Ladka: no no kabhi nahi
Guru: toh thik kia, payar ki bich mein doubt nahi hona parta hai.
113.
Ladka: wo sab samay uski cousin ke saath miste hai.
Guru: aap uske doubt karte hai?
Ladka: hu maine karti hu.
Guru: toh thik kia, cousin ke sath milna to doubt ki hi baat hai.
114.
Ladki: wo ekdin mujhe uski flat pe jane ki kehta hai
Guru: keya aap raji ho gaya?
Ladki:ha, maine sahas kar ke gaya.
Guru: toh thik kia,payar ki tan bol kar ek bat hay.
115.
Ladki: wo ekdin mujhe uski flat pe jane ki kehta hai
Guru: keya aap raji ho gaya?
Ladki:koi prosno nahi ata
Guru: thik, ajkal desh ki ja obostha. Iss tarah ki ladke ki koi biswas nahi hai.

116.
: keya meine itni valo jo tum har din yeh prarthana karte ho ki har ladka meri
Tarah premika pay..?
:of course, kiun meine akela ye vog karunga!!!
117.
: acca, keya tum mujhko valentine day par ek ring dega?
:of course, tumhara phone no. de do meine tumko ek ring dunga.
118.
:meine sapne mein dekha tum mujhko iss valentine day par ek heera ka necklace
Deti hai.
:of course, tumhare is sapne ko “khabnama” dunga.

119.
: acca, keya tum mujhko 1st payar ki baat bolte ho?
:of course, boloto tum sab ladkione ye ek baat kiun bolte ho?
120.
: sun ke jao jara, valentine day ke se tum mere relative ko payar karoge.
:of course. Dekho maine meri shans se jayada tumhare shans se payar karti hu.

121.
:1st angagement ring, uski bad wedding ring, ab keya?
: uski bad suffering.
122.
Ek maha vul kar vi admi ovinandan pai wo hai saadi karke.
123.
Swami:tum ring vul angul pe pada hai.
Bibi: kiun ki tum vul ladki se saadi kara hai.
124.
Ek admi khub garb se uski bibi ki baat karte raha
Aadmi dusri admi se: jnate ho meri bibi meri har baat manti hai.
Dusri admi: wo khub bimorso ho kar bola,tum to khub vaggoban hai. Ye kase hota hai?
Admi: jhagra hone ki baad meine sob dos meri upor le leta hu.
125.
Saadi se pehle ladki ne kaha tha ye soch kar uski sare raat nirghum jata tha.
Aur saadi ke baad bibi keya bola ye sun ne se pehle hi wo so jata hai.
126.
Matri vasa bola jata hai magar pitri vasa kiun nahi bola jata hai?
Kiun ki pita ne khub kam samay baat karne sujog pata hai.
127.
Ek santi purno saadi ki pehla sarta hai bar bar payar me parna magar ye jarur bibi ki payar me parna hai nahi to ulta hogi.
128.
Jab koi swami uski bibi ke lie gari ki darwaja khul deta hai tab ye confirm kar ke bola jata hai ki, ya gari neya aur bibi naya hai.
129.
Aapne apni man ki baad khulke balna paroge. Aapki bibi koi disturb nahi karegi- is tarah sujog apne chahta ho?
Tahole jab usne so jayaga tab tum jo bolna hai bolo.
130.
Aap kisise payar karte ho magar kehna nahi parte ho. Toh ektu kast karke khojo aspas koi chuhe hai ki nahi, agar nahi to jogar karo. Dekhna us chuhe ki voi pa kar tumhare pas ayega.
131.
:vison chap…
: bolo to meine ab kaha hu?
: chap ki andar.
132.
:dunia me relation ki koi obhab nahi hai, to kiska obhab hai?
:relation long karne ki.
133.
: valentine day hai magar valentines night nahi hai kiun?
: valentines ki cost kamane ke liee.
134.
:admi payar me parti hai jab usne vaab mein rehta hai, aur payar mein parne ki baad keya hota hai?
: O-vab mein parti hai.
135.
: payar aya tha nirobe…uske baad keya hua tha?
: sorobe chala gaya.
136.
Dokandar: mere is drugs se mosquito marega 100% guarantee.
Admi:samajh gaya, magar ye istemal keyse karu?
Dokandar: khub easy, ek mosquito dharna aur usk much par ye drugs bhar dega aur
Dekhna kayse kam karta hai.
137.
Sagar shukie jata hai, pahar urr kar jata hai, tum mujhko vul jate ho, magar maine tumko keyase vul paonge? Tum har rat meri sapne ata ho aur akela chitkar karti hu
Vut! Vut!
138.
Tumhhari baat mein office jane ke waqt sochta hu,kaj ki andar chochta hu. Kab month ses hoga, aur tum meri paas aoge, Rs. Tumko mere sabse jyada jarurat hai.
139.
:tumko kya wo baat yaad hai, a friend in need is a friend indeed.
:ha, of course, kiun nahi. Magar tum kaun ho?
140.
:kayse desh ki aadmi nahi badega?
:ab adamshumari gin ne bondh kar do population vi kam jayega.
141.
:”man is mortal”-sudhu ki admi mortal women nahi?
:women vi mortal magar wo baat yaad karne ki kaya jarurat hai?
142.
:itne kosis ke bad vi is desh ki koi unknot nahi hota hai kiun?
: kiun ki unknoti ke liee chesta nahi jari hai.
143.
: Basant me kiski dukh besi hota hai.
: kokil ki, kiun ki din raat uski gola ki istemal karna parti hai.
144.
:otithi panchi ki koi visa-passport kiun nahi lagte hai?
: kiun ki nij desh mein fir kar ane ki koi guarantee nahi hai iss lyee.
145.
:chand ki paas hajaro chare rehta hai magar suraj ke pas kuch kiu nahi rehta?
: jisko ksamta rehta hai uske paas koi real friend nahi rehta hai.
146.
: kounci mama ham sabke liee saman.
:chand mama.
147.
:2010 saal ki keya humko keya lakshay hai?
: jaan le kar 2011 pe jana.
148.
:hum humko valuable vote kisko degi?
:jo apko jyada value de usko.

149.
Bade miah:tum jara jorse panda, ye meine khub like karti hu.
Chote miah: maine vi like karti hu magar o check boi.
150.
:itni problem le kar hum log kaunsi desh mein baas karti hai.
:prithbi ki sabche sukhi desh mein.
151.
:hum log piche par rahi hai kiun?
:durnity jayada ho rahi hai us lie.
152.
: admi kaunsi din me jayada chaka khata hai?
: valentine day par,payar ki ijhar karne ke waqt…
153.
: SAARK sammelon ho kar keya subidha hota hai?
:iss samay koi bomb blast nahi hota hai.
154.
:Rajniti ki koi niti nahi hota hai kiun?
:ase na! Durniti.
155.
Chand kiun nahi uthta hai?
Kalank sabne dekhe iss lie/
156.
: dunia ke sabse ksamataban admi kaun hai?
:George Bush ke barbar ne. kiun ki wo uski kaan pakarne parta hai.
157.
Ek din ek ladka ek ladki ko fusla kar ek jangle pe le gaya aur uski rape kia.
Wo kuck samajh nahi paya aur uski maa ko bol dia aur salish baytha.
Uha pe ladka ka 30 hazar Rs. Jarimana ho gaya,ye dekh kar ek log bola
Hai re! din ke din sab jinis ka dam bar raha hai magar aadmi ka dam nahi barta hai.
158.
Ek admi uski bibi ko marne ke liee poison le aya.
Wo kha kar uski bibi nahi mara, doctor ne bola ye chuhe marne ki liee poison tha.
Ye sun kar wo bola sale aaj kal poison par vi vejal hai!!!
159.
: aap keyaa jasmjha ladki log weak?
:he he.. iss job par maine 5000Rs. Pata hu aur tum 3000Rs. To ab bolo kaun weak?
160.
Ripa khub valo ladki hai, iski question keya hai?
Ans:Aap mujhko lie eek false baat karo?
161.
:chand kiu nahi sota hai?
:jisko gum nahi aata hay uski company de kar liee.
162.
:madam meri mobile kam nahi kar raha hai, jara aapki mobile par call karke dekhengi?
:meri sandal ki no. pe phone karo kam karega.
163.
Police:iha par car park nahi karna,dekha nahi nisedh kar gaya.
Man:meri gari meein security system high hai koi nahi churi karegi.
164.
:doctor,meri dan pa bohut jalati hai. Bohot dukh hota hai.
:wo age ke lie.
:meri ba pa ki to same age magar wo to nahi dukhta hai.
165.
Doctor:keya aap ki ye khayal ata hai ki aap sun rahe ho koi baat magar pehchan nahi par raha hai?
Patient: ha jab maine phone par baat karti hu.
166.
Ladka:agar tum chaho to meine chand se hamari bari bangaonge,,,
Ladki:sorry, admi bina kisi patang par meri koi interest nahi hai.
167.
:aapki brain update kar jata hai, jara chup raho…
:searching… searching… searching koi brain nahi pa gaya.
168.
Janam to lia tha free main ab mrittu ke aag tak tax de jao, iss lie bola jata hai koibhi chese free pe nahi lia karo. Kya r karoge iss no. par 50Rs. Flexi kar do.
169.
Iss desh par kaun sukhi hai?
: jiski naam sukhi rakha uski maa-bap ne.
170.
:harjeet rahega. Tai bol kar…
:taigar ki har…
171.
Payar kaise aandhe hota hai?
:saadi kar dene ke baad.
172.
:sabjanta kaun hai?
:sabkuch ki ans na jante hue vi jo answer deta hai wo.
173.
:chul ladki ki beauty hai, magar chul parne se uske keya problem hai?
:Beauty ko koi khona nahi chahta hai.
174.
:dadu kya khoj rahe ho?
:meri chosma nahi pa raha hu.
:mein to tumhare chosma hu.
: to mujhko paper padke sonao.
:ye mane..meri chosma nahi pa raha hu.
175.
:phone toh aap vi karne parta tha
:ha thik bola.
:sabjanta sab jante hai magar sabjanta ki sab kuch kam par nahi lagta.
176.
Chorne ki baad kaun bahut khatarnak hota hai chiriakhane ki Bagh aur Neta?
:Neta,kiunki neta ki bhukh kabhi nahi marta.
177.
Pher aunga is desh mein
:may be oporadhi ho kar nahi to neta banker jail se jamin le kar.
178.
:jarurat se jayada vakti aur neta ki vakti kiska lakshan?
:chor ka.
179.
:baba hum log jail se kab mukti paoge?
: ek upay hai, ja kar bathroom par achar kha.
180.
:aunkle keya mein alu ki chop khake dekh sakta hu?
:ye le beta.
:ki leoge?
:nahi aunkle jab mein camay karunga tab lega.
181.
Payar karne wale ko kaya saja dia jata hai?
Usko saadi karake do.
182.
:is alaka ko ek hajar log sakshi dia,mujhko voter nahi banake ab jaogi kaha?
:magar iss form me to likha hai ki durniti baj ko voter banana uchit nahi hai.
183.
Captain: sainik,aap keya swimming jante hai?
Sainik:jani,sir.
Captain:kaha se sikh kar aya?
Sainik:pani pe sir.
184.
Malik:aapne bola tha ek years ke andar jo vi vangega aap badal dega.
Dokandar:ji ha thik kaha.
Malik:gari chalane ke waqt mera ek dat aur ek paa vang gaya, badal deo.
190.
Ek gari ki dokan ghur kar bibi ne romantic sur se kaha keya tum yesi jinis kin kar dega jiske niche pa dene se meter ki kanta 100 par uthega.
Swami wo bat yaad rakha.
Ek din baad swami ek ojon mapne ki machine le kar aye, aur bola tum to ye chahti thin na!
191.
1st person: likha likhi ek “thankless job”.
2nd person: kaun kehta hai? Meri sab likha to thank ke sath ferat ata hai.
192.
:shishu park mein bache log se jayada bade log kiun charti hai?
:bache log nirapod ki na, ye pariksha karne ke lie.
193.
:”Bachne ke liee jan na parega”-keya?
:kiun bachega?

194.
:”Durnitibaj log ko chod dia gia jail khana se”- yeh kiska lakshan?
: Election samne ane ke.
195.
:kan tan ne se matha ata hai,magar pant tan ne se keeya ata hai?
:onek kuch ana parte hai-chor,thappor-lazza-hasna-rona.
196.
:iss bar world cup mein apki pasandki desh kaun hai?
:meri pasand JMB(Japan,Mexico,Brazil)
197.
:Desh me aapki priy actor kaun hai?
:JMB(Jahid,Mahfuj,Babu)
:Actress kaun hai?
:JMB(Jaya,Mimi,Bipasha)
:Aur desh ki bahar?
:JMB(Julia Robert,Madhuri,Bachan).
198.
:JMB(Jarina,Margina,Babli) to urr gaya ab kyea karoge?
:Urr gaya to keya hoga, JMB(Jui,Mou,Bakul) hai na.
199.
:aap ki beta se meri beti ko saadi dene ka koi prasna nahi aata, oh to JMB(Juari,Matal,Bodmas).
:Aapki beti keya pari hai? Who vi to JMB(Jen Motataja Bandori).
200.
:vai,aap khub sukhi,tai na?
:ha,maine khub sukhi hu kiun ki mere paas hai JMB(Japani gari,Mirpur me Bari aur Beautiful nari).
201.
Tin bondhu ek saat ek hotel pe baatchit kar rahi hai.
Andhe:dekh,glass ki pani pe kitni mayel.
Khora:Lath mar kar tor du kaya!
Bhikhari:De lath,jitni paysa lagega meine dungi.
202.
:chor vagne ke baad demag ki duar khul jati hai kiun?
: kiunki,tab demag ki istemal nahi karna parta hai iss lie.
203.
:politicians sabse jayada opochoy keya karti hai?
:baat!
204.
:kaun sabse jayada aected,jongi aur neta?
:jongi neta ko.
205.
Do log baat karti hai..
1st jon:aaj hamari paas keaya hai ja kisiko paas nahi hai?
2nd jon:humko past and present hai magar koi future nahi hai.
206.
:sabne vejal ki bare main baat karti hai magar sab kuch me vejal hai kiun?
:kiun ki humko baat mein vi vejal hai.
207.
:Albadar se hota hai Rajakar, Rajakar se kaya hota hai?
:Minister.
208.
:meine konsi lu Valobasa aur Valo Basa?
:Valo Basa. Kiun ki Valo Basa thakle aap ne Valobasa vi paoge.
209.
Beta:Baba dunia me kaun sabsi badi vikhari hai?
Bap: Politician, wo vote ke lie admi ki paa vi dhorne ragi rahega.
210.
1st dost:Pehle kaha tha na ki India pe nahi ana,yha itni traffic jam ab kayse jaunga?
2nd dost:Aao gaan gai”Gulistane aa kar humko asha fur gaya”.
211.
:ladke friend aur ladki friend par keya farak hai?
:ladke log miss call pa kar call back karti hai magar ladki log nahi karte.
212.
:True friend ke paas kaunsi side rehna hi parega?
:aap ke liee jo kuch vi karne ke side.
213.
:”a friend In need is a friend in deed”-mere liee kaunsi sahi hai?
:Asamay ki friend. Kiun ki uske pas paysa loan lena jata hai.
214.
:kaunsi pessa ki log aap ki paas hai to apki kshamata bar jati hai?
:Army force par.
215.
:365 din agar friendship day hota to keya hota?
:har din friend ko gift dete dete bhikhari hona parta.
216.
:payar ki antim miein saadi hota hai magar friend ki antim mein keya hota hai?
:Paysa le kar bhag jana.
217.
Bap:humko gyanai bondhu kaun hai?
Beta:teacher o ne.
218.
:bondhu ke bina keya osombhab hai?
:jiban mein establish hona.
219.
:ilish aur tengra fish ke andar keya farak hai?
:Tengra fish ke kantee bahar aur ilsha fish ki andar.
220.
School par mara jata hai magar University par kiun nahi?
-School ke student ke pas Bomb nahi hai,University ki student ki paas Bomb hai.
221.
Book ke pehle page par suchipatra kiun rehta hai?
-kiun ki modhe raha ho to usko dhundne par ek suchipatra lagta us lieee.
222.
Thikana aur Ses Thikana ke bich par kaya farak hai?
-Thikana par parcel hota hai magar ses thikane par nahi hota hai.

223.
Hajar paysa aur Crore paysa pe keyaa farak hai?
-Hajar paysa gush khane par mokadma hota hai magar crore khane par nahi hota
Hai.
224.
Kobi aur Mohakobi par keya farak hai?
:Chakan khane ke bad.
225.
Deshki netri aur logon ki netri se keya mill hai?
-uski badi netaone koi vi uske paas nahi jata hai.
226.
Ardhachandra mane Goladhakka magar PurnaChandra mane keyaa?
Purnachandra mane cross fire.
227.
Ripon aur Salam do dost. Ek khela par baazi dhor kar Salam har gaya aur uski baad-
Ripon:Dost,baazi ki shart par tu aj mujhko restaurant par dhokaoge.
Salam:Acca thik hai.
Aur uske baad Salam ek restaurant par Ripon ke le kar samne door se dhuka aur
Pichle door se bahar le ayaa!
228.
Ek pukur ke paas do dost khara raha tha
1st dost:ki re kitne dinse tum naha nahi?
2nd dost: khamokha mera dos dena nahi,ye pukur ki khusbu hai.
229.
Ek shart par meine tumko karunga saadi,
Hamari ghar banega tran ki tin par, aab…?
-saadi ebar vangega,jail ki ghant tanega.
230.
Ladki:humko aankh duto na ho kar ek ho to keyaa hota tha?
Ladka: Shanti se aankh marna jata tha.
231.
Bap:kambal chor aur tinchor se farak keya hai?
Beta: dono ne election par jana chata hai.
232.
Aadmi: Makal fall aur Rajakar se keya mill hai?
Dusri aadmi: done ne unnecessary, magar hamari as-paas pare rehta hai.
233.
:Smoke karne se keya dekha jata hai?
: Parakaal ki raste.
234.
Kab ye samajhna ata hai ki Hindi cimem par diference ayaa hai?
Jab ek vi guli Hero pe sharir par lagega.
235.
Arrest ki baad Politician pe mukh par jo haasi hai wo keyaa hai?
: Nirlajja ki.
236.
1st dost: meine ye pan kara hai ki kabhi joutuk nahi lungi jodi mere bibi hogi sundori.
2nd dost: magar meine ya bolungi ki Sona degi kitni vori..
237.
Admi: vai aap iha cigerrete kiun khate ho?
2nd admi: mere paysa par maine khata hu, aapko keya?
Admi:aapki payse par khata hai to dhoa mere liee chorta hai kiun?
238.
Ladka:meine basa ja kar jara dhayanse parata hu, mere kach aapki beti parega to wo A+ paega….
Ladki ki baap: meri beti ko tum parane ke badle tum payar sikhaya us liee wo aajvi S.S.C pass nahi kar paya…
Ladka:wo to uski galti hai,maine to payar se paraya…
239.
Ladki ke bap:Nargis tum laut aao,tumhare maa bahut bemar hai.
Ladke ki pati:Nargis tum kabhi nahi laut aana,tumko le ane par baba ki ye chal hai.
240.
Ladka: aaj tumhare mann itni khush hai keyaa baat hai? Statistic office pe gayaa tha keya?
Ladki: aur tel marne ki jarurat nahi hai. Jao parlar ki bill bhar ke aao.
241.
Minister: us log nahi bolta to ye nahi janne parta ki wo bridge bekar hai.
Dusri minister:chal us bridge ki loha lakkar bech kar khata hai!
242.
Russia ki ek exam ke pass mark hai 5,4,3. 2 hoga to fail hai.
Ek student four chocolate le a kar teacher ki table par rakha aur bola sir mujhko 4 no. dena.
Teacher do chocholate le kar bola tumko jo dena possible hai wo dia.
243.
Ek bhukha aadmi ghar me aa kar soch raha tha iss samay ek bati soup uski khub jarurat hai.
Us samay door pe knock kia,khul kar dekha ek balak aa kar bola mere maa bahut bemar hai uski lie ek bati soup hoga?
:meine ek baati soup ke bare mein soch raha tha aur uski scent har jaga pohoch gaye.
244.
Ek log uski bari ki paas tree plant kar rahe the uss samay uski bibi aa kar bola kaya kar rahe ho?
:humlog khub baje samay par aa gaya, koi bhi sampatti log chouri karke nahi le ja pata hai iss liee mein tree plantation kar raha hu.
245.
:dustbin kayse saste main bana jata hai?
:hamari nast TV ko khul kar sab fel de kar box ko hum use karna parta hai.
246.
Radio ki bare mein baat karte waqt…
Beta: Baba, keya hai ye?
Baba:meri to samajh nahi aata hai, rokh lo jara tumhare dada ko phone deta hu.
247.
Keya hua vai aap keya mithai ki dokan dia tha?
:mere aur meri wife dono ko dibetis hai,result ke lyee sab log mithai de gaya. Baad mein uss mithai de kar dokan dia tha.
248.
Hello jaan tum jante ho,tumko dekhne ke lyee meri ghum nahi ata hai. Sab samay tumari baat sochti hu.
“Meine Mitu ki maa bol rahi hu.”
“Ji meine aap se hi baat karti hu, meine Faisal ki Baap bol rahe hu”.
249.
Tum khub surat ho. Tumko lyee sabne pagal ho jayega. Magar ascharja ki baat dekho! Tumko lyee sabne pagal. Asole tumare lalat mein sab pagal nehi juta hai, sustha koi vi nahi raha.
250.
Ek dost ne ek ladki ko dekh kar ek shayri bola-
Vaisob! Vaisob! Hamari sabki ek daabi hok-
Uss ladki ne tumhare vaabi hok.
251.
Bes katar sur karke tum bola tha, Tania tum mujhko agar saadi nahi karoge tab meine mujhko goli karke mar dega.
Ye meine kayse tolerate karunga? Toh meine bola,”iss place me nahi please, meine rakht ekdam tolerate nahi karta parta hu”.
252.
Jiban mein ek aadmi ko keyeaa sabse jarurat hai- onek paysa, sundar ek bari aur ek nari.
Sabne thik tha magar nari ki baat kaha se aye!
253.
Neela meine tumko payaar karti hu. Ha ha, maine tumko saadi kane chahta hu. Magar meri 3 bacha aur meri bibi raji nahi ho raha hai.
254.
:Basant ki kokil ab sab samay kiun dakta hai?
:kiun ki ab sab samay clone phool pa jata hai iss lieye.
255.
:Merudand aru Karadand se diference keyaa hai?
:Merudand sharir ko soja rakhta hai aur Karadand durnitibaazko soja karta hai.
256.
:otitki smriti admi ko kiun rulate hai?
:kiunki ek kahawat hai na-“Puran chawal jayada barta hai”.
257.
Ladka:meine tumko chand ke saath tulna nahi karunga.
Ladki:kiun?
Ladka:kiun ki usme chand ki kalank aur vi bar jayata hai.
258.
Admi:Sanglaap,Sangsad aur Sangbaad iss tin sabd par kaha mill hai.
Dusri admi: Sang se..
259.
Hum log loadshedding par atak raha aur wo spider man kayse dewal tapka kar uth raha hai?
:na uth kar upay nahi hai, meine suna ek upar ki toilet par hi pani hai…
260.
Teacher:bolo to kaunse jinis prithibi ki sab jaga pe ghurta hai magar ek kone par rehta hai.
Student:Dakticket.
261.
:ek ailand ki naam bolo jaha par aap ekla raho to vi voi nahi lagega aur khana peena vul jaoge…
;Traffic island.
262.
:urna janta hai magar koi dana nahi hai,rona janta hai magar koi aankh nahi hai-kounsi jinis?
-Megh.
263.
Admi:bolo to dudh ki rang kiun saada hai?
Dusri admi:dudh dekhne par sada nahi hai saada rang hi dudh ki tarah hai.
264.
Beta:koi mokadma ki ray hone se pehle hi Neta log bemar ho jati hai kiun?
Bap: kiun ki chote bela school jane ke waqt bemar hota tha uss lyee.
265.
Ladka:Taka ne Taka anti hai aur paysa keyaa anti hai?
Ladki:Taka ki vangti.
266.
Admi:vai mere flat par current nahi jata hai!
Dusri admi:keyaa bolti hai aap?
Admi:ha,nahi jata magar ata hai…
267.
Ladki:kaunsi samay par ladke log ladki ko nahi pehchan ta hai?
Ladka:saadi se pehle aur saadi se baad.
268.
Beta:Baba,paysa aur sms ki keya diference hai?
Bap:paysa de kar vi sab samay delivery nahi ata hai magar sms
De kar jarur delivery report ata hai…
269.
Admi:chawal ki dam din din barta raha hai magar admi ki daam kiun nahi barta hai?
Dusri admi:aadmi to chawal ki tarah dami nahi hai !
270.
1st friend: dost sach bolta hu,Jarina ke liee maine drink nahi karta hu.
2nd friend:Meine vi nahi,wasa ki pani pe durgandha hai iss liee paani ki sad mad par leeta hu.Sokhia ke baat kaun yaad rakhta hai?
271.
Maa:beta,jamai tujhko chithi likhta hai keya?
Beti:na,ma chithi nahi likhta hai. Magar haptah me do tinbar message deta hai.
272.
Ladka:maine tumhare boyfriend banna chahta hu,tumhara koi apatti hai?
Ladki:are keyaa bolti ho. Tum to bohot funny ho.iss liee tum mere bohot assa friend ho. Mere boyfriend Sakib ye sunega to bohot moja payega.
273.
Do log baat karte hai.
1st:kiun tuu ayse batha hai aur wo form kiun nahi puran kar nahi raha hai..
2nd:pehle to form le ana parega…
274.
:dost eksath baythe to kitni chaye khaya magar problem to rahe gaya.
:hu dost, ulta mere diebetis bar gaya aur mere problem bar gaya.
275.
Ek din Hozz saab ghar ki janal de kar bahir me jana chahta hai govir raat me,
Yeh dekh kar uski guard ne bole keya kar rahe ho saab?
-log kehta hai meine raat me ghumanto obosthay hatta hu,wo dekhne ke liee ye kar raha hu.
276.
Ek asian aur ek American ke bich me kaya farak hai?
Asian:humlog girlfriend aur bibi ke bich bibi ko jayada payar karte hai.
American:humlog girlfriend aur bibi ke bich girlfriend ko jayada payar karte hai.

277.
Ek surgent ne ek driver ko pakar ke bola
:tum driver ho pilot nahi..
:si si. Pilot samjhu kayse wo log to kheto ko vi raste samajhte hai….
278.
:wo pati aur patni ke bich jayada mill hai.
:keysa?
:jemon-dono donoko doubt karti hai.
:aur…
:dono donoko dekhna nahi chahta hai.
280.
Pati:mere marne ke baad tum Rafiq ko saadi karna.
Patni:meine kiu tumhare dost ko saadi karunga?...mere koi dost nahi hai?
281
:tum mujhko saadi karlo maine tumare chote chote issa puran karunga.
:aur bare bare issaoki kyaa hoga? Us lyee kyaa aur kisiko dhundna hoga?
282.
:kyaa tumhare bibi tumko bohut shasan karte hai?
:mene jisko bibiko janta hu wo uske tarah nahi hai…
283.
:ab chacha bohut chahne par shanty paya.
:kya hua? Kab mara wo?
:na na. wo nahi mar gaya chachi ne.
284.
Beta bari pe uski bibi le ayaa.
Ladki ko dekh kar uski maa bola,ye kaya kardi mere baap ladki ki sharir ki rang kala, uski bad ankhe tera, data vi poka ne khaya.
Beta: fis fis kar kaya bolti ho, jorse bolo wo kaan me vi kam suntan hai.
285.
Do friend alaap kar rahe hai..
1st: tu janta hai meri mama ki bari me ek itni bari goal ghar hai ke,ek paas se ek sota garu ki bache ne doura to laut ane se balad ho jata hai.
2nd:mere mama ki bari me itni bari bash hota hai ki akash ki saman hai.
1st:keya bolti tu? Itni bari baas kaha rakhti hai?
2nd:kiun terei mama ki goal ghar me.

286.
1st friend: teri exam kaysa hua?
2nd friend: nahi bolo uske bare me, blank khata dia ayaa.
1st: tune ye kaya kar di yaar,sir to sochega hum dono copy kia. Meine vi to blank khata joma dia.

287.
Ek lion ko raste me sota hua dekh kar ek jackel ne bola
:mama keya hua yha kiun sota hai?
:paa par guli laga hai.
:haramjada, guli laga to kyaa hua iss liee raste par sone hoga!!!

288.
1st friend: do no. way par bohotse log paysa kamana parta hai,magar sache path par vi bohotsi paysa kamana jata hai.
2nd friend: Rastata keyaa?
1st friend: iss samay khayal nahi ata hai.

289.
Aadmi: mujhko ek current novel dena jara…
Dokandar: ye hai Electronics welding Shiksha. Ye sabse jayada chal rahi hai.
290.
Do friend ke bich baat ho raha tha.
1st: meri mama ki itni bari karai tha jo math par rakhta tha, aur uski pani pe swim karna jata tha.
2nd:mere mama koiek so mann ki ek fish dhora tha aur woh randh kar gram par sabko khane diatha.
1st:kyeaa bolti tu? Itni bari fish kaha randha gaya?
2nd:kiun, teri mama ki karai par.


291.
Saloon par ek barbar aur ek aadmi par baat ho rahi thi-
Admi: kiun itni chaha rahe ho? Meri mathe par to baal nahi tha.
Barbar: apki baal katne kar paysa nahi chaha rahe hu main apki mathe par baal khojne par jo samay jaya uski paysa cha raha hu.
292.
Ek hotel par ek akarshania ads dea tha. “ Aap khake jao. Bill apki nati-natni se leya hoga”.
Ye dekh kar ek log nachte nachte uha gaya aur shis bajata bajata bahar a raha tha.
Ye dekh kar-
Manager: vai, aap bill nahi de kar chala jata hai kiun?
Admi:kiun bill to meri nati dega!!
Manager:are vai, meine to aapki bill nahi chahta hai meine aapki nati aur natni ki bill chahta hu.
293.
1st friend: janta hai,maine us din bazi dhor kar 49 ande kha dya.
2nd friend: aur ek kha lya to 50 hota.
1st friend: tune mujhko keya Rakshas raha hai.
294.
Judge: tumne chori kyaa hai ye bariwala sakshi hai.
Chor: maine vi 1000 sakshi le ana parunga jo
Mujhko chori karne waqt nahi dekha tha.
295.
Ek kue ki paas khare ho kar ek admi gin raha hai “bis’ ‘bis”
Ye dekhne baad ek uski friend aya aur bola kya gin rahe ho? Aur wo usko dhakka mar kar kue par phela dia aur ginte raha “Ekush’ Ekush”.
296.
Do friend alaap kar raha tha..
1st: mere lion se mokabila ka baat tumse kia hai?
2nd: nahi tune nahi kia.
1st:meine ekdam ekela haat me vi kuch nahi tha.
2nd: tarpor.
1st: Bandor dekhne samne ki khancha par gaya.
297.
Do friend ek moto byke par ja raha tha….
1st: itne jor se nahi chalana vai mere voi lagti hai.
2nd:mere tarah tum vi aankhe band kar, aur dekhna voi nahi lag raha hai.
298.
1st friend: teri pa keyse vanga hai?
2nd friend: maine cigarette phel dia tha manhole par.
1st: toh pa keyse vanga?
2nd: meri habit hai ki pa se agun nivana iss lyee…

299.
Admi: ek chota bacha ko dokan par dekha aur bola tum itni chote ho itni chocolate dekh kar tumko lov nahi hota hai?
Baccha: hota hai, uss lyee meine chocholate ko chat kar rakh deta hu.
300.
Driver: garime oil nahi hai sir. Aur samne nahi jayega.
Malik: toh keyaa hoga. Samne nahi jayega to gari ghura kar pher bari cholo.
301.
Pappu: Mintu tu nahi jante hai, jab meine chota tha meine helicopter se par gaya tha.
Mitu: kyea bolti tu! Tab to tune mar jata tha.
Pappu: keya karu itni chota tha meri yaad nahi hai.

302.
Baba: maine jo tumhare hometask ki math kara dya tha,kya tum wo tumhare sir ko dekhaya?
beta: ha.
Baba: keya bola hai?
Beta: wo bola, tumhare baap ki vul par tumko kayse pitai karu.

303.
Boss:tum kaysa ghore par baazi dhora hai dekho wo to sabki piche par hai.
Pappu: Sir, wo to ghora nahi hai wo to ek lion hai dekhna jara wo sabko pita raha hai.
304.
Judge: tum kasam kar vi sach nahi bolte ho.
Chor: sir meine koi jhut nahi bolte hu. Maine chori nahi kyaa.
Judge: to tum kyea karti thi?
Chor: meine dakayti karti thi.

305.
Beta: Baba ye keya hai?
Bap:ye gadhe hai.
Beta:assa baba gadhe kya saadi karte hai?
Bap: ha beta jo gadhe wo hi to saadi karte hai.
306.
:dekh to Ledu mera inn aur mera tie thik hai ki nahi?
:Ye hero, tumhare shasur ki station paya kaya.
:ek minute jara baal par Gel de di.

307.
Ek police ne ek admi ko pakda aur bola
: 50 Rs. Bar kar..
: sir paysa to nahi hai, aap mera mobile se aapki personal baate 2 min karo jara.
308.
Ek driver ne bar bar break mar rahi hai.
:keya hua vai bar bar break mar rahe hai kiun?
:driver ko pasand ki khana hai chatpati bar bar break marne se wo mishal ho rahi hai.
309.
Porosh se ek ladka aya ek house par
:khalamma jara darja kholna.
:maf karo vangti nahi hai..

310.
Maa: tumse ek match anne ke liee kaha tha ana keyaa?
Beta:ha ana hai.
Maa: sab kathi thik hai ki nahi?
Beta: iss lyee meine sab kathi chek kar ke ana…
311.
Keya kar raha ho tum? Kitne busy tum ho? Alpo,naki jayada? Alpo hole sms kiun nahi karta? Aur besi hole sms kiun nahi parta?
312.
Meine ek khuni hu,maine paysa ke lyee khun karta hum agar tum to meri friend ho iss lyee tumko khun karne ke lyee meine koi paysa nahi lunga.
313.
Dost tumhare tasbir jayada sms karke pathana. Card khelne baytha hai magar joker khoj nahi pa raha hai.
314.
Nachna nahi janta hai uss lyee uthan baka hai
Atak ne nahi parta uss lyee jail faka hai.
315.
Na chaha kar jisko pa jata hai…?
Na chaha kar bhi wo chala jata hai.
316.
:kaunse karan par Bush ko jute mara, magar hum bibrata nahi hua?
:kaun bola Juta mara! Catch catch practice kar raha tha. Maga practice ke ovab tha uss lyee wo nahi dharna para.
317.
:current dene ki baat karke aap ne vote lya tha magar 5 yrs me to ekvi pol nahi aya.
:current ki baat ki magar pol ki to nahi. Tab meine kya janta tha pol ke bina current nahi ayega.
318.
Ankhe:tumko dekhne ke lyee.
Haat: tumare doa karne ke lyee.
Demag: tumhare khayal rakhne ke lyee.
Dil: tumko payar karne ke lyee.
And
Paa:tumko laath marne ke lyee.
Jadi tum mujhko vul jao.
319.
Wo sabse jayda BEKUB,HABA,GADHA, jo bura angul se sms parti hai.
Hi,Hi,Hi… Akhon ar angul sarane se kuch nahi hoga jo hona tha wo ho gaya.
320.
Hum dono donoka haat dhor kar hat raha tha. Hathat ek kak ne tumari mathe ke upar de kar ja raha tha. Ye dekh kar tum bola vaggis garuone akash me urna nahi parta.
321.
Ekbar chaha kar dekho chand ko le aunga, 1 bar bol kar dekho duraj ko par ke dega, 1 bar ro kar dekho sab jal much kar dega,ek bar has kar dekho sab daat fel dega….
322.
Din sundar suraj uthne par,raat sundar chand uthne par, sapne sundar modhur hole,sristi sundar purno ho kar,r tum sundar ho ek lej lagane par….

323.
1 soitan ek din khoda se bola he khoda aap mujhe itni kshamata dena jab meine har juboto ladki ki khun pi sakti hu.
Tab khoda ne bola jao tumko meine senora bana dia.

324.
Saadi ek public toilet ki tarah hai jo nahi gaya wo vito jane par chotpot karta hai aur jo ekbar vitor par dhoka hai wo bahar ane ke lyee tarapta raha hai.
325.
Aap man ho to parie “Inga Minga” aur aap women ho to pariee “Ichinga Michinga”
Oops! Tum to dono mantro hi para hai toh tum ab ho “Hizra”.
326.
1
2
3
..
..
.
10
Congratulation… tum to 1-10 par gin na sikh gaye ho. Kal A-B-C sikhaunga.

327.
Ek admi ek lady police se saadi karat ha. Uske bashor ki raat ke bad uske friend ne pucha
Tumhara pehla raat keysa tha?
Wo bola mujhko 100 Rs. Fine kya vul side pe entry dene ke lyee,500Rs. Kiun ki meine jorse chala,1000Rs. Fine kya kiun ki mayne koi helmet nahi pehna tha.

328.
Tarjan aur ek animal nahane chale ek nadi par. Jab tarjan uski kapre utre tab animal has raha tha. Kiu tum has rahe ho? “tumhare niche se agee a raha hai”

329.
Kayamat ki din ek feresta a kar bola tumhare sabko nij nij gunahko 30 page pe likhna hoga. Kuch der baad tum bola “Sir, mujhko loose lagega”.

330.
Maine koi dhoni nahi hum agar mere ek rich mann hai, maine koi smart nahi hum agar mare smart demag hai,maine sab samay right nahi hu magar meine tumko dost banake nahi vul ki.

331.
Mom:mujhe uss ladke ke bade mein bolo kaun tumko pregnant kar di?
Ladki: hey! Keya tum bolna paroge 1 dozen kela khane par tumko moti banaoge.

332.
Bibione bahut kathin chise hai..
Sokal: kapre dhoega
Bikal:sukaoge kapre
Saajh par: iron karega
Raat:khulega kapre
Adhi raat: khojega kapre ko…

333.
Ladkio kabhi tumhare mobile ko book pocket par nahi rakhna coz uha koi network nahi hai
Ladka log mobile rakho pant ki pocket par rakhna coz uha par network hai.

334.
Keya tum ladka aur ladki ho?
Answer ke lyee niche dekho
…
…
…
Bekub ye niche nahi. Tumhari niche dekho.

335.

Choti jiban par onek kosto,onek nirasha, tab vi vulna nahi sopne dekhne, vulna nahi haste, vulna nahi payar karne, aur vulna nahi bathroom ki darwaja band karne.
336.
Adhi raat par ek lady ne doctor ko phone kia aur bola abhi ayee pls.
:kyea hua?
:mere pati bohot bemar hai. To wo pet ki dawai khay uski baad kidni ki dawai khay aru uski baad kashi ki dawai aur uski baad cigerate pe aag lagaye… maine ek awaj suna plz aye.

337.
Vai aap makan vare pe lene ke waqt bola tha iha se see-beech dekha jayaga magar ab to kuch bhi nahi dekha jata hai ek naryel gach chara
:kone par ek telescope hai wo se aap see-beech aur mangal grah vi dekhne paoge.

338.
Do poka ne alap kar rahe hai ek dustbin se….
:keya re 500 Rs. Ki kamar de kar tham dia kiun?
:kiun ki 500Rs. Samajh kar kamar dia magar ab to dekha 100Rs.

339.
:ye keya dia iss dudh par to melamine hai!!!
:Aluminium ki Rs. De kar aap melamine ki dudh poega na to keya paoge?

340.
Baba:exam kaysa hua, sab prasno ko ans dia to?
Beta:ha sab dia magar 2 prasna par 1 no. track ke badle 3 no. track likh kar aya.

341.
1st friend: suna tum 2 bag sim card kina to ajki exam kayse hua?
2nd friend: keya aaj exam thi?

342.
Tum badal gaya ho,tumhare chalchalan pehle jaysa nahi hai, uss din bohot daka magar tum nahi suna. Matha nar kar,ghas khate khate lez nar kar chala gaya. Bohot dukh hua.
343.
Ladki ki baba: to tum meri jamai hona chahte ho?
Ladka: thik aysa nahi hai. Ye chara meri aur koi rasta nahi tha,iss lyee.
344.
Scientist o ne bohot din se chesta jari raha hai “Brain” ke bina ek aadmi koidin bachna parta hai ye abiskar karne ke chesta kar raha hai. Keya tum tumhari mobile no. usko sms kar dega?

345.
:“Election Engineering” parne ke lyee meri future keya hai?
:ek nokri ke leyee ads dene ke lyee aur ek 5 yrs wait karna parega.
346.
:tum bazaar ja rahe ho aur bag nahi le jate ho kiun?
:bazaar mein aag laga hai, ja dam uske lyee meri panjabi ki pocket hi kafi hai.

347.
Yad tumari na aye aise to hum hone nahi denge,
Dost tumhare jaysa hum khone nahi denge,
Ek do sms karte rehna,
Barna rat ko tumhe hum sone nahi denge.
348.
Tumhari dill se dosti jo paia,Mera dill khusio se var gaya,
Ab mar bhi jao to keya gam hai,Saare sapne to pura ho gaya.